Some Word Vomit

I have a list of possible topics to write about on this blog saved in the notes section of my phone. I haven't looked at it in weeks.

I think about this blog often, when I realize I'm doing nothing with my life that harnesses my talents or overpriced degrees. But then I never write anything, because the entire world is built against me. Yup. I promise.

I'm going through a terrible, awful, miserable breakup right now, and as a result have been rewatching the entirety of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. I was raised like Rory, minus the money and plus a loving, supportive, present father. I was the apple of the family's collective eye, a genius, destined for great things, everything always directed towards my happiness and success. I did not want to go to Harvard, but all my worldly achievements lay within academia. This is particularly sad because I hate academia and never want to be part of it ever again. I guess I'm a bit too liberal for that and all into actively changing things and stuff. Except there's nothing for me to do, nothing anyone wants me for.

I live with my parents right now in a really, really, really, really far part of Brooklyn that no one knows about and no one ever comes to, where we have lived for twenty years since we immigrated. I work a part time job in a store for about $200 a week and I don't pay any bills. I have a masters degree in a niche field. What is happening. 

I was raised in a family that struggled, and the world was always built against them, but they did everything to make it better for me. And they were successful, I did more than anyone else has and everything they ever imagined. Except suddenly I'm an adult and I have nothing. I used to be inclined to believe things were gonna be fine for me, something would work out. I'm not that old; it could still happen. I'm just less inclined to believe it will.

This isn't meant to bitchfest (yes it is). Ennui, boredom, and panic lead to a lot of thinking, and perhaps that thinking could lead to something if I just write it down. Or at least I can find some answers, or solutions. Mainly I am attempting to just write something that is my own, to accustom myself to the freedom of self expression and the sensation of writing down my inner thoughts.